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Convincing others to move forward with an idea isn’t always easy. And if an idea has an element of financial risk or there’s another perceived possible downfall in the equation, there tends to be resistance. Some people resist an idea until they can be rationally persuaded. Others need to feel emotionally safe to really consider the idea. Some will resist change at nearly any cost.

#Consensus fundamentally means agreement. Gaining agreement indicates that there has been some process of inclusion in moving forward with a plan. To be clear, it doesn’t mean that everyone agrees but that everyone in some way has input in the process. A majority vote may move an idea forward, but the minority opinions have at least been acknowledged.

Gaining consensus is not only important when possible, in organizations but even in families. Ultimately, there may be decisions made for the safety or the financial stability of the group even if there is disagreement. But at least members have an input in some way.

When approaching others, even children, your body language makes a statement beyond your words. Also, your choice of words and how you state them makes a vast difference in the outcome. Consider the contrast between “you have to” versus “it looks like we may need.” Both have the same goal in mind but are said differently.

If, for instance, you need someone to improve a particular behavior in an organization or at home, think about the difference in the phrasing “you need to stop” versus “I need your help with.” You can gain consensus with different word phrases. In fact, sometimes, you can gain consensus or buy-in from another person based on one word.

This is not to say that sometimes you just have to make a decision knowing that it will be an unpopular one. When you can gain consensus, it is more likely that the idea will be solid and successful. Reach out to us today to help you and your organization gain consensus

Are you adept at group dynamics? Groups exist in most areas of our lives from family to workplace teams to community organizations. When you have groups, you have all kinds of personalities interacting with each other. Some of those personalities will get along well with yours, and others won’t. So how can you be in a group and retain your peace and happiness?

First, let us say that all groups are not meant for you. You may find that you had a certain perception of how a group would operate only to have that idea dismantled after participating in it. The other truth about groups is that they are constantly changing. Leadership changes. The people in the group change. So while the group may have been a good fit for you at one point, you may have outgrown it or it no longer resonates.

Family is the first group you learn to navigate. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and how you learned to interact with this primary group impacts what you attempt as you grow up. The structure and rules of this initial family may look completely different than the next group you participate in such as sports teams and peer groups. You then have to learn a different set of rules of engagement. Sometimes this goes well, and sometimes it doesn’t. You may have found yourself hurt or wounded in some of these dynamics or perhaps not reading the social cues correctly. This leads people to feel like outliers.

In team dynamics in the workplace, boards and associations, and community organizations, we often discuss the stages of development that teams go through. These stages include forming, storming, norming and performing. The first two stages are difficult, but often if you can hang in there through the rough patches, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you reach norming and performing. Even with very different personalities and perspectives, groups can find themselves working well together after some time. Some key components of getting to these stages without too much damage includes effective communication, good leadership, and empathy and understanding of differences.

What are your patterns around apologizing? Are you able to swiftly apologize to someone if you’ve made a mistake? Or does it feel too vulnerable for you to admit when you’re in the wrong? Many people struggle in this area for a variety of reasons.

How do you receive apologies? If someone apologizes for hurting you, are you quick to forgive and allow them to repair the relationship? Or do you hold on to their mistakes out of indignity or even fear of the same thing occurring again? People report that, once hurt, forgiveness can feel challenging.

Research by Dr. John Gottman shows that people in the most successful relationships have the ability to easily offer and receive apologies. Sometimes this can be difficult if the wound was deep and created ripples of suffering. However, even with the most hurtful offenses, practice can help you get better with it.

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When we refuse to offer or accept an apology, this is often called stonewalling in the research. This dynamic is a strong indicator that the relationship will not be successful. Sometimes you might get stuck in stubbornness or fear, especially if you’re not adept at apologies. Here are some strategies that can help you navigate apologies better:

— Write out the apology before you speak it, so you are sure to use the words that are most meaningful.

— Practice saying the apology alone before you have the actual conversation.

— Be mindful about which approach is best – in person, by phone, email, text or card. Some people even include gifts with their apologies.

— Ensure that your actions align with the words. You will lose others’ trust if they don’t line up and you keep making the same mistake.

— When someone approaches you with an apology, offer grace and the benefit of the doubt when possible. It takes humility for them to approach you. Remember that everyone is flawed and would not want to be summarized only by their mistakes.

— Consider how it would feel to get to the other side of the conflict and resolve any festering thoughts and emotions. That liberation feels far better than being right.

There is always drama. If you’re not careful you can get drawn into its intensity. The trick is to become skillful in how you handle the situations. Maybe you find yourself in a relationship with a very dramatic person. Perhaps you’ve been accused of being a bit dramatic.

Either way, there is a wonderful way to live more peacefully.

The great teacher and Nobel prize winner Thich Nhat Hanh was often asked what the path was to peace. He would calmly respond, “Peace is the way.” You must practice what you wish to learn. While simple to understand, the practice of peace can be difficult to master. Intellectually, living peacefully probably makes sense, right? But the challenge lies in your emotional patterns and reactions.

What would it be like to enjoy what we term “portable peace”? That way of being is a profound way to live. It is a tool for life-affirming transformation. If you are truly motivated to step out of the turbulent currents of the stress that unnecessary drama brings, you can start enjoying being consistently peaceful right away.

Here are some proven steps to portable peace:

• Take direct action toward immediate self-care. This may include your diet, and other items you physically consume. It may also include the mental material you take in such as TV and movie programming.
• Make a commitment to take the high road in relationships. Avoid those that are too intense and wrought with drama. During disagreements, focus on being happy versus being right.
• Create peaceful rituals and practices such as regular meditation and relaxation time.
• Integrate humor into your everyday life.
• Set a daily intention to be a peaceful, powerful person.